Summer Camp and visiting day. Thoughts on how to prepare.

Are your children at sleep away camp? As a marriage and family therapist I do my best to think about the upcoming visiting days from a 365 degree perspective. Here’s my view of the good, the bad, the ugly, and the possibilities. Consider:

1. It’s okay to miss your kids. It’s also okay to not miss them, oh so terribly. Having fun without them is OK! They’re having fun without you.
2. Having fewer distractions while the kids are gone may increase your enjoyment of your partner or increase conflict. If it’s the latter, there’s no need to panic. Consider planning some time to open up needed conversations while the kids are gone. Conflict can lead to growth if you take it slow and have these conversations when you’re both calm, fed, and not distracted.
3. If you’re a single parent, maybe you explore other relationships and friendships more freely. Maybe you don’t! There’s nothing wrong with catching up on your pleasure or work reading while curling up on the couch with a calming cup of tea or glass of wine. Or golfing.
4. I highly recommend managing expectations before visiting day. Preparing for a fun and happy reunion is as good an idea as preparing for how you’ll cope if your child is sad, or complaining about camp peers, or asks for you to bring him or her home with you when you leave. If you do or don’t have a partner, be clear (and united) on how you will respond to tears or complaints. My best advice is to listen and let your child know you hear them. Let there be some “vent time” if necessary, then boundary that conversation (use your instincts as to how long) and move on to planned activities. When your child feels heard, s/he will likely be able to make the transition.
5. If there are siblings home with you, know they’re part of this equation too. On the ride to camp ask your smaller one open-ended questions about what’s it’s been like without their older sibling/s and hear what they’re saying without judgement. “Oh, so you don’t miss Alex.” A fair follow up might be, “has it been nice for you to have dad and me all to yourself?” 
6. Hello and goodbye. It happens so quickly. I remember my older son fully participating in visiting day and then suddenly crying as his younger brother, dad and I were about to leave. Back then I was surprised when he cried, but looking back I can see he experienced a variety of feelings from happy to sad and many in between. It's not one or the other; good or bad. He liked camp, but saying goodbye to his family was hard. 
7. Gifts/food/candy. Most camps have a policy. Whatever it is, follow it! If you don’t and others do, then not only others may feel awkward, but your own child may feel weird having gifts, etc. when others don’t.
8. Notice how your child has grown - in his or her own way. Maybe the biggest deal for YOUR child was that she got on that bus a few weeks ago. Maybe it’s that he learned a new swim stroke. Maybe this year she loves her bunk mates after not having that positive an experience last year. Their camp experiences will unfold in predictable ways and ways you may never imagine. Enjoy the ride.