Post-Thanksgiving: Pleased, Relieved, Sad?

In our country, we pause during the last Thursday in November every year to commemorate Thanksgiving. The holiday has many meanings but primarily we gather with friends and family to eat, drink, and be merry. Some of us serve meals in houses of worship and community centers to those in our midst who don't have another place to go for a warm meal and a kind word.

Regardless of your tradition, it's fair to assume we're all around people with whom we share some sort of relationship; bound by genetics, choice, or circumstance. And when human beings gather... things happen. We share food, we have opinions about the food as well as opinions about each other's choices, and the state of our intimate worlds as well as the ever-changing world around us.

Now that I've so gently set this up...I'll ask this: did any of you fight with your parents, siblings, extended family, or anybody else over Thanksgiving? Was it awkward? Were your expectations high and you found yourself disappointed? Or, are you relieved that things went pretty well this year? Today do you feel pleased, relieved, or sad? Or something else? With whom are you commiserating or celebrating..."The family you choose", aka your friends? Your coworkers? Somebody else?

let's admit it...bottom line...Wednesday night through Sunday night with a lot of people in your space or being out of your normal routine can be stressful. How do you and those important to you handle stress? Do you clam up, grin an bear it, talk about it, let it go? We've all learned ways of coping through our life experiences. Some ways of coping work better than others and affect outcomes of long holiday weekends.

I've had my share of Thanksgiving weekends of each 'flavor.' I've walked away regretful, exhausted, sad, and thrilled. Some years all four! This year, I must admit, was wonderful! We had thirteen adults who all behaved, shared the work, and enjoyed each other. No babies, toddlers, or teenagers though...maybe that's why!

How about you?

Learning the Gender of Your Child

Update: On February 4th my dear niece and her husband (referred to two paragraphs below) welcomed a healthy beautiful little Gwenivere into their lives. NOW they know!

Are you (or did you) going to learn the gender of your unborn child or are you (or did you) going to wait until the baby is born? This is one of the hottest topics with young, childbearing age people today. Another is breast v. bottle feeding, but I’m not touching that one today!

Happily I have a family member expecting her first child in the next couple of weeks. She and her husband have decided to learn the gender of their baby at birth. In my experience on the other end of the spectrum I received a holiday card from a family who signed the card with the names of the parents, siblings, dogs, as well as from the unborn child by name. Almost 28 years ago we didn't learn the gender of our first son until he was born. Almost 26 years ago I let my doctor tell my mother the gender of my yet to be born second child. I also told her that she could tell anybody she wanted as long as my husband and I didn't find out until our beautiful son was born. Almost 27 years ago my sister was told that she was having a girl. We helped decorate the nursery and wash the mostly pink clothes. Her son is now 26. Surprise!

Are any of these families right or wrong; is one choice better or worse? Of course not! I can imagine good reasons for these choices along with other choices along the spectrum.

What’s the issue then? There doesn’t need to be an issue, but what happens is that many of us start judging people with other perspectives. And this continues throughout parenting and beyond. The judging and arguing to the end that your decision is the right one can cause major ruptures between friends and family members. To what end? When we argue our point of view do we really believe the other person will change hers or his? It's highly unlikely when it’s done through arguing with little listening.

I believe one of the greatest gifts we can give each other is to listen and be curious, regardless of the topic. Today’s topic is knowing the baby’s gender, tomorrow’s will be about how to help manage everybody’s sleep in a home with a young child, and tomorrow it will be about how to cope with a child during a meltdown. If we can be curious about other peoples’ lives instead of judging them we can create a more safe and connected community. Give it a try, it’s something you can do today…and it’s free!