What About Baby? Wait a Minute, What About Me and What About Us?

In 1989, yes, quite a while ago, I was given possibly the best advice of my adult life. I was a new mom and living in a new city, so I joined a new mom’s group for support and to meet people. I met a terrific friend and got the advice below….

“After you have a baby, everything is a renegotiation.” That’s all. It’s a lot though. 

I was quite young (and not a therapist quite yet) and had no clue how to reconfigure my marriage with the addition of little Alex, and soon enough, Max. 

“Renegotiation” is not sexy, nor does it sound intimate or fun. But learning to express your needs and wants and learning to give and take with a partner with a new addition who, appropriately, demands a tremendous amount of time and energy is of PARAMOUNT importance. And doing so helps offset simmering resentments, which can be anti-intimacy makers.

Some of my favorite clients are young couples adjusting to parenthood. It’s about 50/50, whether they’re first-time parents or new parents to their second or subsequent child. Both scenarios can create stressors that are hard to deal with. Together we work to make sure that the baby’s needs are not the only ones to which the parents are attending. New parents are able to figure out how to negotiate time, sleep, parenting styles, work, etc., and most of us may need a little help doing so. 

Parent coaching with me is not a long-term process but it can help set up the new family with long term strategies that can last throughout a lifetime of marriage and parenting.